So, it’s been almost a month since I posted.  I resolved that I should take more pictures this year because I have almost nothing of our family from last year.  So far I haven’t taken a single one.  Big FAIL.  There’s always February, right?

January has been the month of getting back into the swing of things.  The kids are heading into the last long stretch of the school year.  Andrew is over school – he’s been fooling around, taking things that aren’t his, generally just falling into his winter misbehavior cycle.  Wondering if this is something I should address with the psychiatrist or if we just need to ride it out …  It’s always such a guessing game.

Haley has made a new friend named Madison.  I include the friend’s name because it sort of tickles me – Haley’s middle name is Madison, so whenever the friend is over it just sounds funny to me.  She’s supposed to be learning to canter in her riding lessons and it’s making her nervous – she talked her instructor into postponing cantering this week.  I think she just needs to take a spill so she realizes it’s not such a big deal.

Spencer is waiting somewhat anxiously to hear from colleges.  He’s really tired of me nagging him to write his scholarship essays.  He’s down to the wire now and I might just have to shut down his computer access until the essays are written.  He’s been trying to make good use of his ski pass – he and I went up to Keystone a few weeks ago and I was reminded of what bad shape I’m in.  He had a great time – I stuck to the green slopes and was always shaky by the time I reached the bottom.

Speaking of skiing, both Andrew and Haley have the 5th/6th grade ski passes this year.  I bought a four pack to Loveland and have taken Haley once so far.  It was her first time and she did pretty well.  The day was kind of miserable – it took us forever to get out of Denver because there was rush hour snow.  Then it was overcast, windy, and even a little snowy up at the resort.  I hope the next time we go up the weather is better.  It’s much funner to ski in the sun.

I’ve been alternating between feeling pretty good and then feeling incredibly depressed.  Tom keeps telling me I should go to the doctor – but I keep thinking I just need to really work at getting more sleep and exercise (neither of which I’m doing very well at).  Maybe I need a project to work on … that always seems to get me focused on something besides the normal family stresses – plus projects get planned, executed, and COMPLETED.  They don’t do the “three steps forward, two steps back” dance.   

Monday we held Family Home Evening (a tradition our church encourages where we meet as a family each week to have a brief lesson and activity).  This is an event, because we aren’t very good at holding FHE.  Nevertheless, we decided to do it sort of last minute and made quick assignments.  Andrew volunteered to teach the lesson.  I was surprised.  At first I was going to say no, but then I thought, “why not?”  He grabbed a copy of “For the Strength of Youth” and gave a pretty good presentation on Agency and Accountability.  I thought it was telling – we talk about this topic ALL THE TIME because he struggles with this concept.  He wants to do things and not have to suffer the consequences.  But he did a good job of sharing some of the principles (like being accountable for our actions and what kinds of results we can expect as we make the right choices) and we had a good discussion.  He promptly proceeded to have a terrible week – not sure how that connects …  but I was proud of him on Monday.

One thing we have done well at has been cooking meals at home, rather than eating out.  Tom and I both resolved to do better at this since over the holidays we hardly ate at home at all.  It has been nice have that money stay in our bank account – and the food is more interesting (it’s amazing how boring it gets to eat out all the time – it shouldn’t be, but it is).  I found this terrific Mac-n-Cheese recipe that is baked – it requires about six ingredients (all ones we keep in the house normally) and is super easy to prepare.  AND everyone likes it, even Tom.  Tom found a book full of chicken recipes when we were at the library recently and he has enjoyed trying some of them out this past week or so.  He made a really good black bean soup this week – YUM!

So, we’re a twelfth of the way through 2012 – time seems to fly!   Spring will be here before we know it – but I hope we have some good snow storms before that – I’d like a blizzard or two    

So, back on December 27th Tom & I passed a significant milestone in our life together – we’ve been officially hitched for 20 years!  Just saying that seems a little unreal.  20 years is almost half of the total time I’ve been alive.  Somehow I’ve gone from sharing my life with someone I’m “getting to know” to sharing my life with someone who knows me better than just about anyone else – including the parents who gave me life and raised me for 18 years (and then some).  It happened so gradually that I can’t even tell you when the balance tipped.

Marriage is a funny thing – at least my marriage in my experience.  It is something that I feel has been 20 years in the making.  We said “I do” 20 years ago and started living in the same house, but our marriage at that point was just some little thing – a tiny thread that bound us together and could so easily be snapped.  It has taken years of choosing to stay instead of leave, of choosing kindness instead of contempt, of choosing to forgive instead of get revenge, of  choosing to be patient instead of giving up.  When things are good, marriage is fun and easy.  Who doesn’t want to be with someone when you feel so good in their presence?  When things are hard, it takes strength of character and a firm grip on commitment to stick it out – to remember that things change and people change and “this too shall pass”.

Tom & I have had our ups and downs.  We’ve struggled to be less selfish and more connected.  We’ve learned to appreciate each other (which is a skill that we, at least, had to acquire).  We’ve had to weather outside challenges like unemployment and the challenges of raising children with significant emotional and mental health difficulties.  I’m not sure exactly what has made the difference for us – why we didn’t fly apart when statistics show that many couples do.  I hope it is because we hedged our bets – made the effort to be married in an LDS temple (which, in our religious beliefs, includes being sealed together not only for mortal life, but for life after death as well), took to heart the examples of our parents who weathered their own challenges but have stayed together, took seriously our belief that children deserve to be raised by two parents who love each other and are faithful to each other.

But I suspect that there are no easy safe guards for marriage.  Each day a marriage is strengthened when both people choose to be a part of it.  And conversely, it can be weakened when one of those people chooses not to be part of it.  And it takes both.  One person cannot make a marriage work.  No matter how much you love or give, you can’t force another to love back.  It’s a scary thing.  Marriage makes you so vulnerable.  But it is also an amazing thing, because when it is working, there is nothing better than having someone know you so intimately – good and bad.

At 10 years marriage was still pretty difficult at times, but at 20 years I’m starting to feel like it’s getting pretty darn great.  I can’t wait to see what the next 20 years hold!  But mostly I’m just so grateful that I decided to go to school that odd summer quarter, that Tom and I just happened to have one odd class that threw us together, that we took that amazing leap of faith into marriage when we hardly knew each other, that Tom has been the perfect person to teach me to laugh more at myself, to step back when I’m in danger of getting lost in the details, and who has loved me unconditionally.  We certainly don’t have the perfect relationship, but I’m pretty pleased by what we’ve built so far.  It’s one of the best things I’ve done with my life.

First off, there will be no pictures in this post because I am that type of lame blogger.  Just picture to yourself the splendor that was our home this month – the beautiful tree (that is now drooping because we only watered it once and it is merrily flinging pine needles into the far reaches of our family room in retaliation).  The Christmas-y knick knacks settled into all conceivable corners.  My lovely collection of snow-men (many of them cross-stitched by yours truly) – they’ll be staying up through January, by the way.  I love them too much to pack them up just yet!  The pile of Christmas goodies on the kitchen counter (I am turning a blind eye to all the times Andrew pilfers out of this pile because I just want it GONE).  It has been a lovely, if somewhat stressful month.  But now I’m contemplating packing it all up because I’m just ready to get on with the new year!

What are you planning for 2012??  Our family is considering a family reunion in San Diego, so very high on my list is actually losing the weight that I promised myself I’d lose this year.  I hate trying to lose weight.  I’m very short and to lose weight (or keep it off for that matter) I have to eat very little.  Those fun “calorie calculators” always advise me that I should really be eating about 900 calories a day but nothing less than 1200 is safe, so “just enjoy being a little pudgy”.    Still – I’ll be in a bathing suit a good portion of the day (we’re thinking of doing some beach camping since none of us can really afford a week of hotel costs) so I really want to be able to enjoy myself without feeling self-conscious.

That’s a very boring resolution.  Many of the things I want to change for myself tend to be boring.  Or very difficult.  Tom thinks our home would be a more peaceful place if I could reduce the amount of yelling I do.  I agree.  But there is nothing more satisfying than talking very loudly over my argumentative 12 year old.  Somehow whispering ( some mothers find this VERY effective) just doesn’t give me the same outlet.  It’s definitely something I want to change about myself.  I’m aiming to not yell one time a day when I really want to.  We’ll see how it goes …

I’ve got some personal scripture study goals planned and I’m hoping to not let myself get overwhelmed with the regular hectic schedule that often leaves me just wanting to stay in bed with the covers over my head!!  I’m nervously contemplating the departure of our oldest son to college.  I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around that fact, since my first day at college is still vivid in my memory.  I’m hopeful for 2012 – for all the things that will come our way.  Some will be difficult (can I resist the call of chocolate?) and some will be delightful and some will be boring, but as I look back on 2011 (which passed way too quickly) I’m sure that I will have learned new things and gained new strengths and hopefully have some good memories.  I hope you all find 2012 to be a good one.