There’s a lot of lists out there about what to do and what not to do when someone dies – how to talk to someone who has lost a loved one, how to help, what is most appreciated. I have to admit that my attention wanders when I get to about number three. At almost five months since Tom died, […]
I couldn’t resist the title! So, two completely unrelated things going on in my life. Yesterday I was asked to speak in sacrament meeting (my congregation’s worship service). In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we have a lay ministry so sooner or later everyone gets the chance to be the “preacher” (although you generally share the pulpit […]
One of the books recommended to me after Tom died was The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion. There were many things that resonated with me as she shared her experiences during the year after her husband died. One thing she talked about (and gives the book its name) is the idea that if she just did things a certain […]
It always seems there isn’t enough December for all the things I want to do during the Christmas season! It took me three weeks to put up all the Christmas decorations. I would work for ten or fifteen minutes and then get distracted or (better yet!) tired. We always wait till about 10 days before Christmas to get a tree […]
I’ve learned something valuable this past month – distraction can get in the way of grieving, and not in a good way. A few weeks ago I was at a baptism for the daughter of a friend and right at the end, I found myself crying for no apparent reason. Despite the fact that I write a public blog I’m […]
I’m not feeling strong or brave or submissive. We got through the first major holiday without Tom and honestly, there was so much going on and Thanksgiving is always more about the whole group than about our little family so it wasn’t bad. What was hard was being the single one in the midst of all the couples and being […]
Is there anything to write about besides the obvious? Everyone wants to know how we are – is it getting better? How are the kids? What can we do to help? I feel like I have no good answers. We’re doing O.K. Life is moving forward, mostly in the way that it did before – just with less laughter (because, […]
In a nod to the incomparable C.S. Lewis, whose book A Grief Observed I recently read, I thought I’d write about some of the things I have experienced the past twenty-five days. How I have grieved has been surprising to me, though I’m sure many will tell me that my experiences are nothing new (and that is actually a comforting thing). When […]
A week ago I found myself trying on dresses. It was the first time I had left my house since I had arrived there Monday afternoon. As I stood among the clothing racks I had this sense of dislocation. I was doing this completely ordinary thing – picking out a new dress – but it was for this terrible new […]
23 years ago when I first started dating Tom, he took me for a walk and warned me he had something to tell me. He was so serious and I suddenly felt nervous. I imagined all sorts of awful things. I was actually relieved when he told me that he had diabetes! It didn’t seem like a big deal then, […]