Phones and other things
I tried to give Tom’s phone to Spencer last week. They have the same phone and Spencer’s has been acting up. But when it came right down to it, I didn’t want to lose that connection to life as it used to be. My phone is linked to his with all our texts. His email accounts are there … It’s irrational but just the thought that I was actually going to give Spencer the phone and let him wipe it clean … I couldn’t do it. So it sits on the bedside table and occasionally I charge it up and page through it and wish somehow I could turn back time.
The odd thing about this is that in the days and weeks that followed Tom’s death, I actually cleared quite a bit of his stuff away. All his diabetic supplies were gone within days (which seems really odd now, but seemed perfectly reasonable to do at the time). I cleaned out drawers and closets, saving my favorite things but sending the rest to Goodwill. But now, what’s left seems particularly difficult to let go of. Even as I’m moving further away from him in time I find myself clinging more to reminders of the life we shared.